Sebuah Tanda Bahwa Aku Pernah Ada.

Hi, call me Anna. This is my story. If you want to read it, please read it. If you don’t like reading, just skip it. This is a short story that you don’t know what it’s made for and for whom. Obviously, hopefully this story can be a sign that I and those feelings once existed.

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After almost 2 years of deep trauma. Ups and downs, pain, and all kinds of wounds, I swallowed raw. I finally got to the point where I could open my heart and love men again.

A feeling that I couldn’t prevent from growing. Even until this moment I still can’t believe it, it turns out that my affection for him. To the point that I can’t answer what is the reason for me to fall in love with her warm figure. Obviously, I love him for yesterday, today and don’t know how long it will end.

He is a simple male figure. He is not perfect. But for me, he’s a very special figure and there’s nothing lacking. Until the end, I seemed to have an endless river of affection.

This is the 6th month that this feeling has grown since last August. It feels like I want to always live my days with him, because meeting him, my energy can increase a hundred times. It feels like, I don’t want to be away from him.

But who am I?

Right now it’s like I’m walking on broken glass. Which every step will only reap wounds.

I miss it so much.

But I can’t do anything.

The conditions are different now.

I’m no longer in his heart. I was slowly erased from his life. I admit I made a misstep. Everything I did ended up being a mistake that made him disappointed in me. I hate my stupid self. It’s me who can’t control my own feelings.

He left.

Leave me. When I’ve dropped my whole life for him.

3 months ago, I was in a phase where I believed that happiness existed. Because he is here to be the light of my dark life. I, who was blind, could instantly see my life full of color. That’s how much influence he has on the life of a child like me. I’m so happy. At that time.

But again I am a stupid woman who is always wrong in her actions. It turned out that my happiness was mortal and temporary.

I miss him.

May I cry Lord?

Can I complain? Why do I make it difficult for me to be happy with the person I love. Though I have never ignored You. Then where is justice there?

How long should I drown in deeper wounds?

Isn’t it enough for you to test me God? You take all the people I care about.

Then what was I created for if only pain I felt?

What am I wrong God?

I curse at my Lord.

I’m weak. Again the pain appeared. My head hurts, my stomach is twisting. It turned out that my gerd was dead. He always showed up whenever my mind was messed up. I hate this weak self so much.

And for you,

Be happy baby because my happiness is there when I can see the smile that appears on your face. Seeing you healthy and laughing is a relief for me. I want to go. But before I leave, let me make sure that you are okay. That’s why I always want to be someone useful to you. Because I don’t want to be a burden on your life. Let go of my feelings and sacrifice everything in me if it makes you happy. I’m okay. I will try to stay okay even though I may be at a point where my feelings stop with you.

I don’t know.

It seems that my task has been completed. Maybe you won’t hear me say goodbye. Yes, I will go slowly. Because I can’t afford it if I don’t for you. For me, if not with you, it’s better not at all. So, if we can’t be together. I’d better be the one who is missing. I love you more than you ever think.

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